Posted on March 19, 2015
Just thought I would write a quick blog for those who might have been worried about me today in the knowledge that I was returning to chemo with much trepidation.
I’ve been, it’s done, and it was……ok. On my first infusion in January 2014, I had one of my besties keeping me company all day, and it was a good thing, as I was in quite a state. Since then, I have never allowed anyone to sit with me during a chemo infusion. I always feel very, well….vulnerable, and I can be quite funny about being seen that way, and besides, it’s bloody boring and depressing and I don’t want to put anyone through it. Today though, I asked a trusted friend to stay a while, and it was a good plan. Besides having to breathe through a bit of panic on the way there, the anticipated breakdown fizzled out as I had distraction and even some laughs.
Not everything went according to plan. The chemo nurses punctured the port site in my chest which has only been there since Monday, and by golly it did not tickle. Neither was it a success, so we had to wander over to radiology, where they took me into the theatre there, full scrub up, and the doctor accessed the port by xray. His first access was via too short a needle, and he couldn’t get blood drawback, despite agony and about 20 tons of pressure against my chest. He finally whacked in local anaesthetic, and on the fourth go, success. Four needles straight into your chest in the space of an hour or so was really not the best, and I don’t care for a repeat.
So, an infusion that was supposed to begin at 11am began at 2pm, but by 6pm I was at the pub having dinner with friends. Not what I expected on an infusion day. I’m tired, a tiny bit emotional, but I am ok. Mostly just relieved that it hasn’t turned out to be as bad as I built it up to be. I know it will accumulate in my system, and every infusion will wear me down a touch more, but as is my new philosophy, I’m going to take the small victories, and run.
Best of all of course, the little buggers are not growing unchecked now, I have a defence mechanism. Let’s hope it attacks them, fast and long
Just wanted those of you who don’t know me in “real life” to know that I am ok.
Here I am in the chair, 1 hour into infusion.
Exhausted, will see you again soon, when the dust settles