Posted on July 30, 2015
BREAKFAST, SCHOOL RUN, CHEMO:
Tuesday was, without a doubt, the most incredible day of my life. Disclaimers about the days my children were born, obviously, but gosh, this was like a little birth.
I went into the publishing company, the place where all my dreams started to come true, and culminated in this moment. My goodness, there was a lot of LOVE in that room. So many who have played such a big part in this were standing, waiting for me to come in. Did I feel like a celebrity? MY WORD I did. But most of all, I felt….worthy.
Because, you see, there was more than one Julia in the room that day. I howled my eyes out, as Jeanne, the head of the publishing company, down from Sydney, cut open the first box of my book. To SEE it. An actual book. Even a verbose person like myself finds it hard to find the words!
I sat there, and inscribed my first copy, to my beautiful fairies and my devoted fella. Dry eyes were few, especially as I looked over at Gaz and saw him sobbing. I sat there and wrote and signed, and silent tears fell down my face. Because there was a now confident woman that felt an enormous sense of achievement. But also sitting there with me was a little girl who wasn’t sure she deserved to be loved. A sullen teenager who never thought she would amount to much and didn’t think anyone else did either. A plump girl in her 20’s who lived it up a little, but thought a full and satisfying life was the domain of “other people”. A woman in her 30’s, who knew the joy of bringing children into the world, but didn’t really think she was worthy of being their mother. All of that has to end with me, and in a way, it ended the moment that I opened that book with my name on the front. Those other girls will always be with me, as they are part of who I am, and a testament to what I was fighting for.
There was a happy woman of 44 – so, so happy. There was also a sad woman of 44, one who has terminal cancer and has no idea how long she will get to stay on this thrill ride. The one that looked at a loving man, and looked around at a room full of new friends and wonders how long before she will have to say goodbye. There was a woman who looked down at her beautiful book and hoped that, while she won’t be able to guide her girls through the difficult teenage years, has real hope that what is contained on the pages will guide them a little for me, and help them to never be the sad girl, negative teen, the woman in her 20’s and 30’s who never felt she was worthy. More than anything, I want this for them. I hope that this book will make them proud of me, and I hope that all the love that it contains for them, all of my hopes and dreams, will be like a warm embrace when I can no longer give them one.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. Your belief in me helped me have the confidence to see the tiny seed of an idea through to this breathtaking reality. There was a lot of love in that room because I deserved it, I am worthy, I am enough. So are all of you.
There was accompanying “media” on that day. In a few weeks I will be able to tell you more about it, and there is a good chance you will see me opening that first box of books. Can’t wait to share my “day” with you. This is my legacy, for my fairies, for my fella, and for all of you. I hope you like it. Out in shops 26 August, as the saying goes “in all good bookstores”. Spin me out brussels sprout, LOOK WHAT I DID!