Posted on December 4, 2015
So, you know all that bullshit I spouted a few weeks ago about being a full time writer, and running all about town doing ALL the things besides? All that malarky about how I was going to turn the limitations of this terminal illness crap right on it’s head?
Yep….well, that hasn’t ACTUALLY happened. And I want to be honest about it here, as I promised to always be honest and real, and besides, this buys into a great fear of mine, that anyone in a similar situation to mine will be reading that and think to themselves SHE can do that, why can’t I? I would HATE anyone to think that.
So, here’s the thing – I can’t either. Most of my foray’s into the office at the moment, if I am not napping, consist of me opening up a Word document, staring at the blank thing every few minutes, whilst flicking back and forwards between Facebook and Pinterest. I’ve got the most insane form of writers block known to mankind and the other day I was determined to write an article, so I wrote the biggest load of tripe that I have ever trotted out. I did not pitch it, of course!
Most days now consist of consist of finding the happy in the simple, and if I do a little extra, that’s great too.
Today was one of those days where I could do a little extra, and so I did. I seized the opportunity when I had a clearer brain and I wrote an article, a decent one I think, and sent it off to publication soon. I got an enquiry to speak at a cancer conference in March, and I am thrilled about that, as it gives me a chance to speak across an area that I am really passionate about – the effect of terminal cancer treatment on the patients, and their families. Many medical professionals will be in the room and while I am sure they all do their best, I might help them think about things they might look at a little differently. Isn’t that ACE?
I’ve still got enough energy to make the girls and Gaz some homemade pizza’s, and then I think it’s hop into bed for a Christmas movie with the fairies. I’m really looking forward to that, ahead of the first 110 boxes (all kitchen, I kid you NOT) that will arrive at my house tomorrow – reno starts Monday!
I feel REALLY well at the moment and that helps. The chemo tired is the chemo tired, it is what it is, ditto the brain fog, and it’s unlikely to get better while I am still on it. I dream of a break again one day, but if that doesn’t happen, and this is what it takes to keep living, then I’ll take it.
Everyone who is struggling, for one reason or another – you’ve got this my darlings. Learn, like I am learning (and I am so what my late, great dad would have called “bombastic” that this is REALLY hard to do), that gentle days are good days, and if you can find that little more, seize the moment. It’s enough. The ebb and flow of life!
Back Wednesday to let you know how the testing went for SIRT! Fingers crossed
Out for dinner the other night with the gorgeous fella. He’s a bit of a keeper, that one. He found out a couple of days ago that I compromised on a really expensive oven I wanted, one of those retro, English jobs with THREE ovens – and I am actually not a very good cook, so I must work on this – as I was worried about the price, and he rang me straight away and said go get it, as he really wants me to have what I want. We don’t always do this terminal cancer business well, not by a long shot…I challenge ANY couple not to be bought to their knees, physically, emotionally, in their relationship with each other, but we genuinely love each other very much, and that too, is enough